went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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