i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
