I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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