I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
