Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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