My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
