Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
