Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
