his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
