I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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