I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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