Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
