I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
