I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize