I feel like I'm in dance class right now
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
