So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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