my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
