im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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