she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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