Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
