you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
