When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
