So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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