my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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