i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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