How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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