..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
