haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
