Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
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He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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