we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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