you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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