Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
