So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
