Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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