Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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