Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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