just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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