I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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