I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize