I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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