My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
