just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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