There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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