and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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