My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
