Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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