I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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