I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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