well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i think we sleep fucked last night...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
