someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
