i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
