im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
