This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
