Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
