Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
