I wish I only lived at night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
