i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
