Got a toothbrush?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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