I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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