I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
