we have officially lost it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
