...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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