How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
