No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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