Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
