Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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