Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
